I got nothing.

I am completely and totally unable to come up with anything new on my own. So sue me, I have a bachelors in Business, that's B for business not A for artsy. Let me give you an example. When I cook no matter what it is that I am cooking I require a recipe. PB&J is about the only thing that I make that I may not require a recipe and truthfully if someone were to come up with a tasty variation of one I'd probably print it out and try it. SG on the other hand can bake any type of pie, cook any piece of meat, prepare any type of ethnic delight all without the use of those pesky recipe's. I'm exaggerating but she really is good at cooking much in the way that she played trumpet in high school. When we were in high school she was in symphonic band by her freshman year and never was less than third seat from Junior year on. When you play in a concert band you have seats where the best person is the first seat and the people generally get worse as you go down the line. It's been a long time since I was in band but I think the trumpets in symphonic orchestra's are split into first, second and third parts. Third parts may be something that exists for the use of high school orchestral groups but that's besides the point. The difference between the different parts is easy to explain, the first trumpet part is high and majestic with all the brass bravado that a composer can write. Think majestic entries of kings, declaration's from angelic hosts on high and that's your first trumpet part. The third part plays much lower and resembles more the honking and hooting of farm animals. The point of all of this is that SG never practiced and played perfectly while I practiced and got to honk and hoot. .


HERMAPHRODITIC PORN, CHICKS WITH DICKS AS BIG AS MINE
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In preparation for Clerks II I went over to a friends to watch Clerks and attempt to suck down as much watermelon vodka before my penis fell off. I actually like watermelon candy with all of its artificial flavoring making it taste nothing like watermelon. The Schmirnof watermelon vodka was true to it's artificial roots as it tasted just like a watermelon jolly rancher. However just because one likes a watermelon jolly rancher once and awhile doesn't mean that one should make a watermelon flavored vodka beverage and then attempt to pour glass after glass mixing it with as many types of juices that one can get their hands on. I'm still not sure if the vodka hasn't potentially given me a sex change. As far as the movie went Clerks II wasn't terrible but it also wasn't anything I hadn't seen before. Sure Randall is funny especially when he makes a super fan vomit on himself after ripping on the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. The movie didn't feel as edgy as the original clerks and it didn't feel as polished as "Chasing Amy" or "Dogma". I still love "Chasing Amy" despite Ben Affleck and the ending mainly because it has the single best scene where Hooper (Black guy who is posing as a blank panther like activist but who is actually gay) is talking about his comic book at a panel in a comic book convention.

Hooper: Check this shit. You got cracker farm boy Luke Skywalker, Nazi poster boy, blond hair, blue eyes. And then you got Darth Vader, the blackest brother in the galaxy, Nubian god!
Banky Edwards: What's a "Nubian"?

Plus "Chasing Amy" had the best Silent Bob dialogue when he is talking to Ben Afflecks character about the girl that he let go. Ben Affleck and the ending aside that was a pretty great Kevin Smith movie.

THE UDF
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A couple weeks ago SG and I went to over to a friends house for a little cookout to celebrate the first harvest of corn. On the way over we picked up some beer at the UDF down the street. Normally we would have gone to this completely pleasant beer carry out that has all the beers that any man woman or child could possibly ever want to consume. Instead it was Sunday and the beer carryout was closed which left us having to go do the unfortunate task of hitting up the UDF. I've never seen a more busy UDF than the one near my house it doesn't matter when you go there's always ten people in line and 2 cars deep at all of their four gas pumps. Realize that I understand that my feelings that this UDF is somehow intentionally trying to get a rise out of me is completely irrational but I never claimed to be rational. What never ceases to turn me into a seething ball of inarticulate rage happens when I attempt to fill up a car at this UDF. It doesn't hurt that the only times I seem to go to this UDF is when I'm driving a car with a questionable amount of gas left which in of itself normally makes me very grumpy shall we say. It never fails too that when I go to this UDF the cars are two deep and the people at the pumps NEVER use pay at the pump. So I get to watch the person fill up their car, then walk into the store and stand in line behind ten other non pay at the pump yahoo's. A process that takes a few minutes now takes close to five minutes and when one is sitting on a car precariously close to running out of fuel you find that the whole situation is like playing pass 100 year old dynamite. You'd think that since I wasn't even buying gas this time that I could zen passed the whole experience but in fact I couldn't. While waiting in line this woman behind me decided that her bag of hamburger buns were far to heavy to hold and unceremoniously plopped them down on the counter and walked away to the magazine rack to check out some magazines. Like WTF are the buns that heavy that you can't hold onto them and is your little monkey brain so small that you can't stand in line without having something to entertain you?