While the cat's away the mice will play, very slowly.

My work computer is a giant piece of monkey poo, if I thought that I could get away with picking it up and throwing it at someone all the while making angry piercing monkey shrieks I would but alas things called common courtesy exist still. I call it a piece of poo and threaten to feed it three week old bologna sandwichs with expired mayonaise to keep it from grinding to a halt resembling any time on I-95. How bad is it? Well have I to close my web browser every single day or risk not being able to avoid work and waste time on the internet. Why a web browser slowly sucks up all memory like Mega Maid did in Spaceballs is beyond me, but then again 99.99999999999999% of the myspace websites are also beyond me. What is it about a myspace website that turns all that goes on it into a collage of mental explosive diarehea. If someone were to stick a dozen M-80's in their mouth go into a small perfectly white room lite the fuses and let em' blow I'm sure you'd find that a myspace website would look very similar.

Why is it that these sites have to have an impossible number of pictures all placed at impossible angles? People, people didn't your mother ever teach you how to line things up, what is so hard about the concept of right angles? For Christ sakes how will you ever be able to shoot your way through the first zombie apocalypse if you are unable to even line up silly little bytes of visual goodness little less aim a gun. Maybe we would all be better off without you, let the zombies munch you see if I care. If it were just a site having as many images as there are stars in the sky that would be ok,however there's the sound bytes, flashing text, games, movies, boobies, animated cursor, middle fingers, clashing colors, AIEEEEEEEEEEE. It's enough to turn an ADD child into a normal one. Yesterday while avoiding work for the Nth time I decided to look up some information about this breakdancing group that was breakin' at the intermission for Sunday nights roller derby event. Before anyone from the group finds out who I am then comes to my house to do multiple jackhammers and windmill kicks all overy my painfully white face realize that I respect what you do and I think it's pretty amazing. Your websites however suck. Just tone them back a little bit remove 90% of the images, get rid of the banner adds, stick to three colors and don't use an image as a background unless of course it is a background image meant to be used in a repeating environment. This page is amazing for many reasons but mainly because I wholly believe that the entire interenet suddenly gets slower as you try to download all the content associated with it. I think I just got an email email from the network administrator asking if I am running some sort of file sharing network in my office due to the high traffic he is seeing coming into my office. Even with the whole internet trying to give birth to this thing it's still dialup slow. Maybe sucky sites are all part of the breakdancing scene to make your site look as ghetto as possible, maybe it's retro, then again maybe it just sucks. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but sadly most myspace sites are some of the few things that trully cross economic, cultural, and language borders and can be universally accepted as sucking mas fine.

Last night was my first intermediate dark room class which I have to say differed not at all from the beginner class except there were twice the number of people in the dark room. Those that have never set foot into a dark room let me explain how things work. Your tools of the trade are an enlarger (thing you stick your negative into, thrust back and forth and finally shoot white light through onto some paper), an easel, photo paper and if you are feeling particularly anal a little focus do hickey. You first select a negative that you want to make a picture of, put it into the negative holder, slide it gently into the enlarger careful not to rub anything the wrong way. Am I tired of this sexual innuendo, hardly... actually I am. You then bring your picture into focus, make a test print to determine the most appropriate amount of time to expose the light on your paper. Finally when you have determined the duration, focused and re-focused the enlarger you are ready to expose your paper. After exposing the paper you must put it in developer for 2 minutes. Once the two minutes are up you then drop the photograph into the stop bath which stops the development process. After 30 seconds you then take your photo and put it in the fix bath for 4 minutes to permanently fix the picture onto the paper. When there was just four people there were no issues as far as being able to get to the chemicals or finding your photographs when there are eight people things become a little more crowded. There was this primary offender last night who would just forget that he had his pictures in the fix which doesn't affect the pictures it's just kind of rude. You know like TAKE YOUR SHIT OUT OF THE FIX SO THAT THE REST OF US CAN SEE IF OUR PICTURES ARE IN THERE. Stop Watch, as we will call this person due to his analogue gym teacher like stop watch, would stand in front of the developer timing his development time exactly. However when it came to taking his shit out of the fix or out of the wash he was not nearly so particular. Filthy fuck. The instructor of the class as I have mentioned before is a really nice guy it's just that at any moment I nearly expect him to start talking like that crazy Irishman in Braveheart. Where Braveheart Stephen (the crazy Irishman in Braveheart) would talk to God as in "For an Irishman to speak to his equal he most often talk with God" I expect Photo Stephen (Not his real name) to start talking to Photos, the Greek God of photography.

Photo Stephen: Yes Photos I'll ask him, Photos wants to know why your picture looks like shit, I told Photo's that your picture has a soft artistic feel but he disagrees. What Photos? Photos wants to know if it's your
camera that sucks or if you are blind?

So after class finished OSU was able to provide me with a double round house kick to the crotch when upon paying to get out of the garage I got back three Sacagawea coins, one Susan B. Anthony coin and two quarters. One, Two, Three kick away OSU
because you just beat the Post Office hands down in currency abusal.

In other music listening news I've been listening to an album which was brought to my hears by Keith, friend and music aficionado who has also introduced me to amongst other tasty tidbits "Dangermouse & Jemini - Ghetto Pop Life", "Dangermouse - Grey Album", "Gnarles Barkley - St. Elsewhere", and "Non-Prophets - Hope". The album is called "For Those About To Rock" which is a hip hop album mixed over classic rock songs, I don't like it as much as Dangermouse's Grey album but it's still pretty good and worth checking out.