God Damned House Goblins

You may not know what I mean when I say "House Goblins" however rest assured you will once I'm done. "House Goblins" are these little cocksuckers which I'm sure exist whose primary goal is to piss me off by taking anything I leave laying around. These little warty SOBs think that it's OHH so funny to take my things to the land of Goblinville (Parkersburg) where they can then use and enjoy it. The rule of thumb with house goblins differs from person to person however their standing contract with me is once I can't find something (and have looked) for more than a couple of days whatever it is is theirs. I'm POSITIVE if I would just let it go and not try to look for the item in question that it would turn up, see it's the looking constantly for more than two days that flags the item for pilferage. I however can't let it go and thereby give whatever it is to them, happens every time. What do they say about people who keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting something different to happen? Oh yes Crazy. Those sons of motherless goats are just laughing it up in Goblinville, laughing, and laughing and laughing.... assholes. Generally the things that they seem to usually take are my knives probably all the better to cut their little goblin feasts with. Most recently my Spyderco was pilfered by them and I'm pretty sure they also took this Buck lock blade with wood handle and brass fittings years ago... I still have the holder for it. This time they had to go get personal and take my Russian tea glass that I had spent days and weeks trying to find on the interweb. I swear I was drinking tea on Saturday trying to calm my stomach and now I can't seem to find it. Now that I think about it I may have an i-dea............... HA eat it assholes I found it in the desk.

Score:
Me 1, Goblins 600.

Alright so you may be wondering how exactly they get these items to happy Goblinville. If I knew that don't you think I would have gone to whatever gateway that leads them between our world and theirs and waited patient like a ninja for them? This theory that there are some nefarious little beings that have been taking things from me goes way back. Actually if I was elected President besides lowering the drinking age and getting rid of the open container law (because a beer outside in a park is nice) I would start a war on house goblins much like we have the war on Terra, because I really want that Buck knife back. Anyway I remember losing things way back when I was a kid, I would tear around the house trying to find it much like I do now. I would day dream that my mother would eventually start looking and would find the lost thing and then call out "I found it!" Usually it wouldn't be found and it was another point for team goblin, team goblin, maybe they are like "The Evil Team" in Shaolin Soccer.