$3.99 Pizza Buffets

My general stance on buffets is that I would prefer not to go to them for the single reason that I have no self control and am trying not to become a fat ass. I'm not so young anymore. Pizza buffets are my weakness, my kryptonite, my achilles heel... and Indian buffets, then there's that sushi buffet at Otani that I keep wanting to go to. Ok, ok so other than pizza, Indian and potentially sushi buffets I general don't like to go to them. Yesterday while at lunch one of my coworkers walked over too look at this new pizza buffet while we were in Half Price Books. It was deemed worth checking out mainly based on the fact that it was only $3.99 and included salad AND pasta. The fact that it was nearly empty at lunch time should have been a dead give away but I mean come one how hard does one have to try to screw up pizza.

Today was the day, we shall call it P-day, the day when we stormed the pizza buffet. I actually had this premonition last night that we were going to go to the pizza buffet. This isn't one of those things where I didn't have any food to bring in as the night before me made some Valentines Day Gumbo and still have 5-6 servings left. Which reminds me every time I think about prophetic visions, or seeing into the future I always think of Lion-O and his "Sword of Omens" asking for "sight beyond sight." That show was great. Oh and if you wanted to test how telepathic you are click on over to here. Me? I scored 15 so apparently I'm telepathic but just don't realize it. The point of all of this was that today we hit the pizza buffet with high hopes and empty bellies.

On entering the first thing that should have started the warning bells ringing was that we were the only people in there. The second was the employees, it felt like a pizza buffet started by people that were put into juvenile detention centers that just got out and bought Michael Lesko's book on how to get the government to give you money to start your own business. Lets see first there this wiry guy with cropped blonde hair and a piercing blue gaze. I was truly terrified that if I mentioned how much the pizza sucked and he heard me that he would jump over the buffet line and lay down beating reminiscent of a prison fight in the exercise yard. Either that or when I'd go back up to get more pizza he would non-chalantly stab me in the kidney with a sharpened spatula. Then there was this bus boy who was equally wiry with black hair and faded tattoos on his knuckles which I can't confirm but might have said "fuck you". The last guy was this larger brawny looking Italian guy who assembled the pizzas. The "assembler" kept looking through this little window that looked out onto the dining area every minute or so as if he was making sure that no one was sneaking up on him to do a mob hit. Did I mention that guy was also tattooed with tree trunk sized forearms?

The pizza itself was pretty bad, remember those pizzas we used to get in elementary school from the dining hall? You know the triangle shaped ones? They were better and those things were terrible. There was a kid in my class in elementary school that kept trying to tell us that they were made of soy based products, how that could be with all that grease I'm not sure. Of the pizzas that stood out was the taco pizza with lettuce actually on it, then there was the whooper pizza (named so because a coworker of mine thought that it tasted like a whooper) with lettuce on top also, best of all was the pulled pork pizza. I'm not sure why I ate the pulled pork pizza, mainly because I didn't realize what it was and still didn't until I got to the last bite. As for the salad and pasta bit, the lettuce was brown, your pasta choices were only rigatoni and rotini, and they only had marinara and alfredo sauce.