Super Brain Goose Conspiracies.

I am in a position that probably 90% of the cubicle working world would be envious of. I have an office, and a window that actually looks to the outside. No grips right, nothing to complain about right?


WRONG.


Ever since I got this office me and the Canada Geese have never hit it off. I'm sure they are very nice birds once you get past the explosive shitting, shedding of feathers, incessant honking, HONKING, HONKING, the hissing the biting and the general dirtiness of these fucking sky carp. Move on over red rover pigeons because the new invasive species on the block is Canada Goose. At least a half a dozen times a day a pair of them will walk past my window honk honk honking with glee, a small smile plastered across their little billed faces and a butt wiggle in their walk. I think they get confused by the window's reflection and think they are seeing another goose invading in their personal goose space and are basically saying "Step back fool." What really must boggle their little goose brains has to be when I hit the window with my hand. All of a sudden they get this startled look on their duck faces like "Geese don't thump, they honk... what the hell was that." The final straw, the proverbial straw that will break my camels back will be when a goose walks right up to my window, turns around, wiggles it's little goose butt and then plants its ass right up against my window and then craps. If this were to happen I think you'd find me 6 hours later sitting in a parking lot covered in dirt, grim, goose shit, blood and feathers with no recollection of how I got there.

What if this escalation in the size of the goose population combined with the fact that many populations migratory patterns have stopped is actually the precursor to an alien or Canadian invasion. Seriously hear me out. Where are the geese? Always around our corporate parks, company headquarters, doctors offices. They like the terra-ist know that the way to really hurt the U.S of A is to kick us in our financial crotches. So they send their little forerunners to do a little recon, see all this irritating honking and hissing and never leaving is just away that these brain geese have free access to learn the pattern to our security systems and daily patterns. They then relay this information back to invasion HQ thereby allowing the invaders, be they aliens or Canadians, to build a more complete picture of how to hurt us best. BASTARDS, I knew it. I've got to dial Dubya on the horn and get him on this, he'll be all over brain geese working for either a terrorist organization, the Canadians or the aliens. Can you imagine the terra it will cause when this gets out, it will be like Hitchcock's "The Birds" but not so menacing with lots more honking and a bit more cursing and lots of mentions to Al-Kada and Terra.

---------- One day later.

After writing this I kept pondering the honking, and the waddling of said geese. I think I started to finally realize that what we have going on around here is a little bit of goose gang turf warfare, I think I need to step in like the US does in foreign affairs and arm one side with some modern tools of warfare. The only problem is going to be when the the group that I support exterminates all other groups, then I'll have to name them a hostile government or combative terrorist organization and find another set of geese to arm and fight the original group that I armed. Ohhh the cycle of goose violence will continue. Another thought on all these geese I had was that we could attempt to feed them raw meat in the hopes that by doing this they would get a taste of meet and become carnivorous. Kind of like those bugs in SG-1 that the one scientist feeds meatloaf. Only the hope here is that by feeding the geese meat we might get our own force of crack geese troops ready to eat intruders to death. Yeah.... Geese, I think I need to stop this now.