Luchadors step aside there's some new grrls in town.

I went to the first bout of the Columbus Ohio Roller girls Sunday night. Surprisingly this is something SG even wanted to go see, truthfully I was thinking this was going to be more heavily patronized by men than woman. Why? I dunno skanky tongue and cheak names, revealing costumes, girls beating up girls, kind of like mud wrestling on skates without the mud but with a lot more attitude and kick ass punk appeal. Does anyone remember mud wrestling? I don't, actually all I remember was that I was < ten years old sitting in my parents basement watching T.V. as a family. Whatever we were watching stopped and a commercial for a women's mud wrestling event came on and true to mother form my mothers hand flew out with a cat like quickness to block my young impressionable eyes. Sadly for her it wasn't fast enough before the image of women in bikinis wrestling in mud was burned into my retina's thereby burning it into my memory. I can't remember what I did yesterday but shit, I can remember a two second glimpse of 100% pure estrogen fueled mud wrestling. Anyway see my point, I just didn't think SG would be into this kind of thing since it is in many ways like professional wrestling, and SG loathes wrestling. The first inkling that my assumptions about this roller derby thing was off was when we followed packs upon packs of woman down the street into the convention center. Punk chicks, ex sorority girls, hippies, knitters, librarians, mothers, fathers, you name I saw it.

Let me drop the skinny on this to give a better idea of what this was like. The roller derby match was held in the Battelle hall which is I'm pretty sure one of the original large convention center rooms where they hold things like dirt bike races. Pretty different environment when compared to the last time I saw the Ohio Roller Girls it was at the same skating rink I went to for middle school class trips. Good times those were, times when I used to intentionally scratch my swatch watches crystal cause damn it one can't have something look new. I wonder if kids are still doing that, you know scuffing up new shoes and clothing to make them look old and worn. Here's the deal yo, Ohio Roller Girls are a part of the Women's Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA) which has women's derby leagues all over the US. They as the name says skate on a flat track which while not as dramatic and painful (believe me it looks more than painful slamming down on concrete time and time again) is probably a lot more practical. In the Columbus roller derby league there are four teams each with twenty members in it. Each match is made up of two 20 minute periods where two teams run jam after jam until we reach the end of the second period and one team has won. Each period went pretty fast due to the fact that there is little or no break between the jams and timeouts if called are very short. There's a short break between the periods and between matches there was enough time for a rockabilly band to play a short set. The first match was between the "Take Outs" and the "Black Eye Bullies" which saw the "Take Outs" beat the "Black Eye Bullies". The second match was between the "Sprockettes" and the "Band of Brawlers" where surprisingly "Band of Brawlers" won. I say surprisingly because "Sprockettes" had Holly Hot Wheels who just completely owned the exhibition match I saw in December which was mostly due to the rule that a Jammer can only score if they pass an opposing team member if they are in bounds. This is important as it seemed to be pretty easy for an opposing team member to shove, slap, push, or spear the jammer out of the rink.

What else did this have, well they had scores projected up on screens, a DJ spinning music during the match, beer, fights and some really great wipeouts. I believe on one of the jams in the second bout the jammer from the "Sprockettes" accidentally drove a knee into one of the "Band of Brawlers" blockers stomach causing the blocker to double over and careen out of the rink. Something else to look forward too is apparently there is going to be some inter city competition where (I'm guessing) they will take a subset of the eighty people in our Columbus league and create a single twenty person team then go skate against another city. Pretty sweet that. Oh and if bleacher seats are too impersonal, you can sit right down on the floor right next to the rink and potentially get hit by a out of control skater sliding into you like a baseball player sliding into third on a close play. Regurgitate, infuriate, investigate. So what are you going to be doing Sunday May the 14th? That's right going to catch some roller derby cause this time they are bringing a PBR truck for your beer drinking enjoyment and nothing says a good time like violence careening around a concrete ring with PBR flowing through one's veins.

This is one of those looks that says I'm a sensitive man with vampire tendencies who will talk feelings to you over a frosty glass of the Champaign of beers whilst the Sex Pistols are blaring in the background.

Today's Morning Song: Hang on Sloopy.