Don't poke the bear.

At some point last night for Morgan's goodbye party my friend Kevin told me "Don't poke the bear." Most people heed such advice, you know it's wise not to poke a bear. What I did however was flick water at the bear, I never said I was "wise", just annoying. The bear in question happened to be my friend Chris's wife, we are a bad combination when drinking. She gets a little well more violent when she drinks and I, yeah I get a LOT more irritating. Luckily the bear (Michelle) has yet to learn Steaven Seagals signature hip toss move, I am convinced that it will be the finishing move, the Hisatsuwaza (To kill the opponent without fail technique) if you will and I will have no chance. Some of you doubters out there are probably thinking.... "awww but she's just a girl". No man she's like a rabid mongoose when you start talking/ripping on her alma mader or about fucking pigs, goats, horses, cows and what not. Those that may be from Pennysl-Tucky let me say up front I don't actually THINK that people who live between Philadelphia and Pittsburgh actually fuck farm animals. Well at least not while they are sober, pig fuckers. See what I mean "don't poke the bear", anyway I now am the proud owner of many finger nail marks, possibly a bite mark and a handful of bruises.

To my defense I really didn't do ANYTHING, pig fucking nittany lions, just nudged the bear with a little tiny twig, over and over and over again. Other highlights last night came from Phil (Lobster) trying to tear my trapezius from my body with his giant mandables. The trapezius is the little tendon-y thing that goes from you shoulder to your neck. At this point you might just be able to call it SFB's trapezius cause that sucker is my weakness. SFB Trapezius.... it does lack a little bit of flare though, has none of that river Styx and all. All that said last night was a real good time, proof that having fun is all about being around people you like. I am also proud to say too that SG has been initiated into the secrets of guitar heros and being that she is my SG you know she rocked out. Now I just need to get her to play multiplayer mode with me.

Of my drinks last night I was finally able to try "Brown Suga" from Lagunitas. It was good but all I could think while drinking it was "man this will cause a wicked headache." Other honored guests on my drink list last night were Kevin's "Blue Whale" (if you listen closely you can hear the whale cries while drinking it), blue marshmallow, margharita in a bucket, and cherry cheescake. Kevin is one of these purveyors of destroying mixed drinks, and the "Blue Whale" might be the most destructive of them all a liquid WMD. The first time I had the Whale I was driving home and slid halfway into an intersection on a country road because I didn't notice a stop sign until the last minute. The next time I had the Whale I was in Cleveland in the middle of the Rocky River Metro park for a good friend of mine's birthday party. All I remember was that I was feeling a little warm and tired and then walked off into the woods where I passed out for about an hour. The next couple times the Whale showed me who the bitch was, sadly I found it was me. I give the Whale recipe in hopes that others can inflict it on their loved ones however I do suggest you attempt to get across the danger of the Whale before your victims start drinking, oh and be sure to have plenty of buckets around.

Blue Whale Recipe

Ingredients:
1 can lemonade concentrate (thawed)
1 part Curacao
2 parts Vodka
Ice Lots of it

Directions:
Take the lemonade concentrate and dump it into a large
jug like pitcher. Fill the lemonade can with Curacao
once dump it into the pitcher. Fill the can twice more
with vodka, mix well and serve with LOTS and LOTS of ice.

My only notes here are that the vodka must be cheap, think
plastic bottle and screw top. Also the ice really is key,
you need the water to cut the whale, otherwise you may be
walking around with a peg leg talking about your blue whale.