Dear God holy hell in heaven shoot me now lest I kill someone.

Currently a coworker who will remain nameless but we shall call he/she/it the "Avalanche" is doing a conference call with two if not three or four people who just happen to be all around me. In most cases using the speaker phone is not a reason to freak out and start holding ones head while rocking back and forth whispering holy verses to oneself. I can hear Avalanche's voice, I can hear it inside my head bouncing off of the walls of my skull. I can then can hear his voice in the speaker phones which feel like they are all pointed towards shiny reflective echo friendly surfaces. It sounds like Avalanche is yelling down a tunnel or is leading morning calisthenics for automobile plant workers like in the movie Gung Ho. GOD kill me. It's a conference call between Avalanche and Mega Deuce, maybe if I ate my Cheerios Deuce will hack up a hair ball while on speaker phone spit it into his trash can and then make a disgusted noise. GAAAAAH! Mega Deuce just unleashed a frighteningly melodic "Oh Cru~de" which sounded much like a bunch of Tibetan monks chanting praying that the Golden Child will come back to them. Maybe Deuce can sing "I, I, I, want the kni~fe".

I actually have read "The Golden Child" book, I'm not sure if it was a script turned into a movie or if it was book turned into a script. My guess by reading the book was that it was a script turned into a movie. I used to read parts of it over and over again when I was in the fifth grade, I didn't have anything else to do. Where I went to school you could have a traditional form of classes, you know read books take tests, do school work, or you could be in an "informal" class. In "informal" class the desks weren't setup in straight perfect lines, our class more resembled a coffee shop for elementary school kids than a classroom. We had a loft where you could go up to and listen to lectures but all that generally happened was that you would fall asleep. I somehow lucked out and was able to position my desk underneath the stairs of the loft and so became in a way a loft troll. What other stuff did we do? Um did I mention I read the Golden Child book over and over again? Oh for awhile this other guy and myself tried to make a wind tunnel using a box fan, some cardboard and paper airplanes, that was rockin. One of the best things about the whole experience was that at the end of the year I remember my mom being all grumpy because the folder of work that my teacher gave to her was so small as to be laugh worthy. It wasn't that I didn't do anything, seriously we just didn't do anything.

Where was I? Right conference call from hell. The worst thing about this whole deal is that everything goes silent for awhile, lulls me into a sense of false security the calm before the storm if you will. I think it is over and then BOOM! the conference sneaks around the corner and gooses me with a raucousness to match a provincial market in China. I practically loose control of my bawls every time it happens. Chatter chatter chatter, SQUAK!, chatter, chatter chatter, SPIT, SNEEEZE, CLINK, CLINK chatter, chatter.................SILENCE..................... Chatter chatter chatter, SQUAK!, chatter, chatter chatter, SPIT, SNEEEZE, CLINK, CLINK chatter, chatter.