My Name is Uncle Dog, Aloha!

Against my better judgment I decided to get a season pass to "Dog The Bounty Hunter." If you don't know what a season pass is, I pity you, if you don't know what "Dog The Bounty Hunter" is I envy you. I'm totally confused, I mean totally wholly, completely confused how a dude with a widows peak bleach blonde hair and a belly like a 14 year old chubby girl can intimidate people. I mean I'm sure he's at least 6' tall something that I in my wildest most erotic dreams can never top. I think I might top out at 5' 10'' and that's on a good night.

Tummy's, yes. Alright so this "gnarly" dude walks around wearing black jeans and a leather vest. He looks more village people than he does mean, lean, bounty, dog hunting machine. Then he straps on a flak jacket and once again we are priviledged with a view of his glorious belly dangling out for the whole world to see. I mean what does a person who is out on bond who is suddenly shown this belly peaking out of a bullet proof vest think. Do they think "Fuck I'm screwed, I'd best not mess with this cat" or do they think "I will call him tubby and he will cry at which point I will escape."

Did I mention that I am two margaritas and one giant milk glass of rum and a splash of coke into the night watching "Dog The bounty hunger"? No? Well I am. Drunk is where I am heading and drunk is where I will be. Dinner tonight was with the padres at a local Mexican joint, I think when I downed my first margarita before dinner even showed up my mother looked a little nervous. Meh, she doesn't know what good standing me and JD are on, and you know I think good ol' Jack Daniels would whip Cap'n Morgan every day of the week and twice on Sunday given the chance. That is if either one of them were real people, at this point who cares.

So how do you take a bounty hunter type man serious who tries to then talk feelings with a convicted felon. At one point he asks this guy they are "tracking" what was the thing that led him down the dark path. I think I started yelling "GODLESS-NESS" over and over again to the point at which SG came up to find out what I was yelling about. Did I mention the rum? I might have drain bramage since SG smacked me in the head cause I was being down right irritating and possibly a terrorist combatant. At which point I'm sure it is deemed ok in the sight of our fair government to give me a good smack in the head.

Oh fuck me I think they held a prayer ring in the parking lot before they left to pick up one of the "bad men". A prayer ring.... because I bet you didn't know swearing like a slayer and praying to the almighty is ok by Jesus. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth Dog? Did I mention that they don't carry guns, or billy clubs, or bats, or slingshot's, bb guns, bear traps, tazers or even fucking boomerang's just mace cans with handles. How do you intimidate criminals man sized cans of mace... with handles.

Oh man Bra I think a season pass of "King of Cars" on A&E is going to HAVE to happen. King of Cars this will be great, hip-hop music, hoopty cars, and bling bling baby. I'm so game. Did i mention the name of the episode is "We Dooz it Large", WORD!