Percolating babies, screaming zombies and a Korean myth.

Over the weekend I found some time to watch a zombie movie that I had recorded on the new Tivo. Bliss is two Tivo's and never having to delete. Who knows why in Gods name I do it, I like Zombie movies but then they freak me out, make me all paranoid. Let's do a poll here what's more frightening a zombie apocalypse or some sort of super virus apocalypse? I say zombie apocalypse hands down and so what if there is no such thing as zombies.

Here's how ma logic goes:

A. It's awfully hard to make a virus seem menacing, it's faceless, stink less, and while it will kill you but it won't chase you down with a never ending thirst for blood and brains.

B. Watching someone you love die would be terrible, having to KILL someone you love to prevent them from turning you into a zombie is a billion and one times worse.

C. Viruses will run their course and go away once everyone is dead. Zombies are dead and never go away never get tired and they don't get bored of eating your brain.

D. Zombies are just fucking scary.

Back to this movie thing, I'm not sure if I ever wondered what it would be like if we took the combination of a zombie apocalypse and a viral apocalypse but now because of "28 Days Later" I have another potential apocoalyptic set of events to mull over. This movie was like a sort of east meets west apocalyptic type thing, you catch a virus that turns you into this mindless ass kicking 100 meter track star who can't stop vomiting blood. The "infected" don't even want your brains, the just want to fucking kick your ass plus they are fast. How fast? I'm telling you man like Jackie Joyner-Kersee, and the Incredible Flash fast. There's no running away from something that goes 0-60 in 3 seconds. I finished this movie right before going to get some Korean thinking that I was really ok with this new breed of fast pseudo zombies. It wasn't until I went to bed and woke up at 5am with a feeling of dread that one of these fast Zombies were going to come blasting through my doors like a battalion of linebackers on steroids. Seriously, I just laid in bed for 45 minutes thinking about this.

Anyway I'm thinking if faced with the same sort of event sunglasses and preferably goggles of some kind would be required along with some sort of HEPA filter mask to get the blood and saliva from infecting me while providing a good zombie ass kicking. I'd also have to make a jaunt to a sporting good store and get me to nice mean pair Easton metal bats and jerry rig up a sheath like system for my back. Some sort of cross harness thing with some sort of streatchy opening where you hang the bat handles pointed towards the ground that way you can still pull them out nice and fast when some zombie pounding is required.

Enough of the zombies, I'm over them. Sunday SG and I went over to see a friend of mine and his family. The nice thing about us going to see him and his family are that if there was ever a thought in my head that I wanted kids it dissipates like the morning mist with a blow torch put on it. It's not that his kids are terrible, they aren't they are well behaved cute kids unlike the monsters that mine I'm sure will be. Let me give you a little story about when I was a kid and my mother used to take me to this one barbershop. Brothers being brothers he and I were fighting to see who would get the nice one barber. See there was the one who was nice who didn't scare me and then there was the one who did. I really can't remember why I thought he was scary, maybe it was a beard, I dunno he was evil and I wanted nothing to do with him. So when my brother got the "Good Barber" I hid under the chairs and wouldn't get my haircut until I got the one I wanted. See what I mean they'll be monsters. Anyway with kids it seems like everything you do takes three times as long, let me provide for you some examples.

Dinner (Just eating mind you)
US: 10 minutes.
THEM: 30 minutes of constantly getting up.

Going to bed
US: Whenever we want.
THEM: 45 minutes of putting on pajamas, and reading stories just for the kids followed by all the stuff that you do when you go to bed after you put the kids to bed.

I'm not saying kids are bad or that I wouldn't want one someday I'm just saying you know pretty big life change. I had my first baby encounter last night, SG at one point got tired of holding their 4 month old baby boy and plopped him down on me. He then sat on me and gripping my fingers while gurgling like a coffee maker with it's last bit of water for the next 15 minutes. Sweating bullets man, babies are all small and breakable and stuff. If I break something in the house I can usually fix it... somehow, if you break a child that's a bit harder, makes a person think you know. Kids gurgling like coffee machines is also very disconcerting, the whole "oh God please don't let this child drown in his on spittle while sitting on me" crossed my mind a number of times.

Last of all your moment of Zen:

Korean people believe that if when you break your chopsticks and you don't do it cleanly that your children will be stupid and/or ugly.