Conversations in the mens locker room.

I'm trying to figure out if older people came from a time when men could stand around naked and feel perfectly comfortable holding a conversation with another naked man or if by being older they have stopped giving a fuck. Either way it's disconcerting. My personal rule of thumb, DO NOT make eye contact with any animate object (this includes cats, you never know what those fury bastards will do) until there is some fabric between your unmentionables and everything else. I'm not saying that I wear a swim suit when I shower or that when confronted with one of those high school locker room prison pound you in the ass no privacy showers that I choose to stink than to shower. I'm just saying to say. This reminds me of my Freshman year dorm where the shower area was a 20' X 30' area with three shower heads on either wall and no curtains. Later they added shower curtains creating six little happy semi private showering areas. Good right? Well no. Imagine if you will a rectangle bisected the long way and then the short way divided into three different regions and you will see the problem. No way to travel from one point in the land of showertown to another without going through another shower area. If you were in the shower furthest from the entrance and two people walked in and started using the front two shower areas then you either had to stay in there until they finished or make what might just be the single greatest batroom faux pa none to man. Enter another naked man's showering area. This has to be a billion times worse than using the urinal right next to another man and then start holding a conversation with them. Call me shower McPruny feet because I never tested that bathroom rule. The second nasty thing about this shower 'system' was that the shower curtains created a potential environment where any number of pyscho knife weilding clowns or brain hungry zombies could lay in wait for you.

Where was I?

Oh yes the locker room. There was this guy sitting in the locker room talking about how he had figured out this plan to make himself a "lean, mean, fighting machine" with the final goal of losing 45 pounds by July 4th. I wonder if he has a masters in business, worthless fuck. Apparently his plan involved doing some mad crazy two a day workouts on Tuesday and Thursday along with doing some real intensive Billy Blanks tai bo cardio stretching on the days he is at work. I call it "tai bo cardio stretching" because the way he talked about it made it sound like he was actually expecting to burn some significant number of calories in doing this. Working out is good right, could help you loose weight right? Being a fat ass is more fun right? Yes. So his theory almost made sense until he said "Last night I went home after working out and had myself some chocolate cake, popcorn, a steak and some potatoes then sat down in my lazy boy, cat sat on me and I watched a marathon." Maybe he has one of those T.V.'s where by simply watching some sort of athletic event you burn calories.

Which reminds me my other money making invention. It will be a car that you can plug your body into and it will burn off your unwanted love handles and leggy flab. I fucking hate love handles they are my numero uno, ichi ban na nemisis. Seriously I think I have a real good idea, real good but I'm not really sure how one would plug their body into this Calorie Burner 1000, or how it would burn calories and not by accident burn through all your fat and then start burning through your muscles. How sweet would that be though, drive to work and burn 500 calories the same as running for 30 minutes all the while listening to listening to the crazy thugish airwaves of NPR.